I'm going to wear my fishnet thigh-highs and black lace garter belt tomorrow. Garter belts always make me feel sexy. It started when I was in 8th grade, still going to church like a good Mormon girl. My grandmother bought me thigh-high stockings because, as I was a big girl even then, she couldn't find any hose big enough around at the waist, but short enough in the leg. (I've always been a shorty) She began to buy me thigh-high's and garter belts because the thigh-highs wouldn't stay up. I, of course, thought they were horrible. I thought I looked like an old lady, I was so absolutely mortified!

One Sunday, I had borrowed my mom's black wraparound skirt. That day, the young men's class joined the young women's class for a combined lecture on appropriate behavior for the first mixed dance the ward was going to have. The bishop's son (who I'd had a HUGE crush on since I could remember) wound up next to me. At one point in the lecture, the side of my skirt slid open, and as I looked over to adjust it, I noticed him looking at my leg.

What's that?

Ummm....what's what?

That thing you had on under your skirt?

*see me turning bright red* That's my underwear...

It didn't look like underwear!

It was, okay?!

*silence*

What kind of underwear?

It was my garter belt, to keep my stockings up! Are you happy??

*silence*

That's what I thought it was. *silence* You know, only porn stars wear garter belts...

*see me turning purple with shock and embarrassment as the realization that the bishop's son equated me to a porn star sinks in*

*silence*

Hey...

*silence*

Hey!

*silence*

You can ignore me if you want to...I think it's sexy...

***

And that, boys and girls is how I wound up hiding in the choir loft of our church during the ward's first young men's/young women's dance, being felt up by the bishop's son...

Yes, and I still think garter belts are sexy as hell. Whenever I wear one, I have this secret naughty feeling...

Too bad I'm surfing, otherwise I might feel the urge to waylay an innocent young man and pull him into the stairwell...