I think that I'll start going back, and then I think that I'll meet with the bishop.

And I think I'll ask him about heaven.

And I'll ask him if I'm really good and do everything God tells me to, can I go to heaven?

And he will say, "Why yes frozen-vodka, if you follow all the rules and live your life exactly as God wants you to, you'll go to heaven."

And then I'll ask him that if I work hard my entire life and strive to get into heaven, will it be the best place in the entire universe?

And he'll tell me that it will be 100 times better than the best place I can imagine.

And my little face will light up and my heart will begin to throb with joy as I ask if he's telling me the truth.

And he will assure me that he is.

And I will tell him how happy I am, and what a good little church girl I will be. I'll tell him that I'll come every Sunday, and participate in all the church activities and marry a Mormon boy and pop out 10 Mormon babies, all so I can go to heaven.

And he will smile broadly at me, pleased to have brought a lamb back to the flock.

And I'll tell him that any sacrifice here on earth is worth if to have an eternity filled with video games and porn and vodka that's always icy and strapping young men who are always ready to fuck and gorgeous clothes and an instantaneous internet connection and a cell phone with unlimited free minutes and a never-ending supply of pre-shelled pistachios and cashews.

*sigh* Yeah...if only. Oh well, I don't believe in heaven anyways.

Updated: 2 new additions to my daily-reads