That's not what I sat down to write about though. What I sat down to write about is indeed related to the shower, but in a more disgusting sense. I am so grossed out by bath mats. Not the ones that are fluffy and cute and lie on the floor waiting to soak up the water that runs down your legs after you step from the shower. No, those are just fine, and much better, I think, than stepping into a puddle of water that you created on the bare floor. Aside from the Three Stooges-esque slipping and sliding that can only result from THAT situation, it's just kind of fucked up to bolt into the bathroom to say, brush your teeth, and soak your socks in said puddle. Look at this...once again, I've wandered off topic!

The bath mats that I am talking about are the ones INSIDE the shower. The ones that are rubbery and originally designed to keep one from engaging in the above-mentioned Three Stooges style antics. These bath mats are horrible. Why? Oh, believe me, I'll tell you!

What's the first thing you do when you get in the shower? Nice warm water running from head to toe...warming you up, relaxing your muscles, relaxing your...bladder? Yes, you're following me here, aren't you? Maybe I'm a disgusting she-beast [and I know I'm not], but even if I peed seconds before entering the shower, my bladder can always conjure up at least a trickle of urine. And what's a girl to do? Jump out and plop my wet ass back on the toilet seat? Sure...live in your little dream world if you must. Of course not, I fucking let it go! That is, I'll admit, one of the little things in life that makes me happy, being to pee standing up once in awhile. And where does that piddle go? If it's a lot, it streams right out in a pale yellow rivulet, if not, it trickles down my leg. Big deal, I'm in the shower, right? But where does it GO? Down the drain? Sure, after it pools up and sits on the BATH MAT for awhile! Oh, but that's not all...

Say you're surfing, like I've just recently finished doing. Girls, you know where I'm going with this, don't you? Those gelatinous blood blobs? Yeah...the ones that make an audible "Plop!" when they hit the bath mat? See...THE BATH MAT!

And seriously, who knows what other stuff winds up on that damn rubbery disease breeder! Cum, feces, vomit, sure...maybe you've never masturbated in the shower [liar!], but who else uses your shower? Your roommate? Your best friend? A family member with less than stellar personal hygiene? That crusty guy/girl you woke up next to after a night out drinking your liver to oblivion?

Think about that one next time your little toes squish that mat beneath them.