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I am usually the person in a relationship that becomes far to serious about a person before they're ready to become serious at all. If I'm not passionately in love, I'm nursing a broken heart. I used to look at it as a weakness, a fault, that I seem to fall in love at the drop of a hat.

I wrote about a boy in a grocery store in one of my entries. I couldn't relate my entry back to you with any justice, just know that while I'm my harshest critic, it's one of my favorite entries, and I think it's so good because it was truly heart felt. Of course, the best writing comes straight from the heart...I look at it as dipping one's quill in to one's own soul, which doesn't happen nearly often enough. But this boy that I wrote about, I really do adore him. I know nothing about him, except his looks, his voice, his manner, and yet, something in me pines for him. How does this relate to what I used to think of as a fault? From every love, I learn something. From every broken heart, I become stronger. Every time I give a piece of myself to someone else, it comes back to me ten-fold. I mean, in the end, we are born, we dance our mortal dance, and we die. Any idea that we've truly made a lasting impact on this world is very arrogant and pretentious. Even people who supposedly mattered, the great leaders, founders of society, peacemakers, what will they be after this blink of an eye that is humanity, is over? They'll be as important and meaningful as the grizzled old man standing on a corner with a goofy grin on his face and a cardboard sign that reads, "Why lie? Need a beer."

No, in the end, all one can hope for is to understand oneself. Know what makes you happy, what makes you sad. Know how to love and how to hate. How to feel pain, how to feel ecstasy. Life is all one massive experiment you see. It doesn't matter whether you drive a Ducati 999R or a razor scooter from Wal*Mart, it will all come to the same end.

So again, back to this boy, and my fault of falling madly in love at whim. Why don't I see it as a fault any longer? Because I know what love is. I know what it's like to love someone so much I would die if it would amuse them, and I know what it's like to love someone because their smile intrigues me. I know other people separate it as love, infatuation, lust, and a myriad of other sub-categories, but it all stems from affection and it's easier and more pleasant to say love.

So I don't berate my self as weak and foolish that I love this boy at the grocery store, even though I know nothing will come of it. I don't think it's a fault to fall in love with someone who isn't ready or isn't willing to love me back. If my heart is broken, it will repair itself. That's just how life is, isn't it?