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The Idealist

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

That's true. But I tend to find I'm a perfectionist only in the things that matter to me. If I'm writing a letter and misspell a word, I'll throw the entire page out and start over. If I'm baking something and it turns out wrong, I've been known to toss the whole thing out.

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Rather lofty sounding, but I can see this in myself.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

Entirely true. I sometimes find myself feeling inadequate if I sense someone I care about is troubled and I can't find out why. On the other hand, I have hang ups about expressing my feelings. I feel the need to protect them, and if they're negative in any way, I don't want to burden anyone else with them

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

Ye gods, is this true about me!! In an argument, the point quickly becomes lost in my mind. All that matters is the feeling. If my feelings are hurt, I've been known to clam up and shut the person out, flee the scene and lock myself in seclusion, or if all else fails, break into tears for lack of escape. In a conflict, my instinct is rarely fight, mostly flight. Irrational? Illogical? Oh yeah, so me.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job, which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, hey will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

*grin* Completely. I can roll with anything until you tread on me or mine.

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

Somewhat true. I'm a pretty scattered individual in general, but if I'm planning something or working on something, I obsess over every detail. Still, I don't let daily things fall by the way side too often.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

Oh gods...this is embarrassingly true. If I go off the deep end, I'll find myself making shit up. Stress is not my friend. I turn into an emotional wreck quicker than anything.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group are. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

Uhh...control issues. *grin* So that's why I get called bossy!

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counseling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

I would be absolutely lost without my paper journals and this happy little digital sanctuary. I'm not too bad with words either though. I prefer writing out my emotions though because I can have time to think of the perfect phrasing

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

That's nice to know.

INFP Relationships

INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. The INFP does not devote their intense feelings towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their innermost feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for the select few whom are closest to them. INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their close relationships. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they're very sensitive and in-tune with people's feelings, and feel genuine concern and caring for others. Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed. With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals who value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who understand and accept the INFP's perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs are usually adaptable and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation.

I pride myself on presenting a calm exterior most of the time. I treasure my emotions and I don't trust easily. Those I do begin to trust usually find the floodgates suddenly thrown wide. "Fiercely loyal" is a term I've actually used to describe myself verbatim. Once I care for someone, that person has to mortally wound me before I'll turn on him or her. If someone has had the privilege of entering the inner sanctum and given me cause to throw them out, there is never a chance of return.

INFP Strengths

Most INFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

Warmly concerned and caring towards others

Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling

Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships I hate to lose someone special to me and will do everything I can to maintain a bond that had been forged.

Deep capacity for love and caring

Driven to meet other's needs I'm a pleaser. I always have been.

Strive for "win-win" situations

Nurturing, supportive and encouraging

Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space

Able to express themselves well

Flexible and diverse

INFP Weaknesses

Most INFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

May tend to be shy and reserved At first, maybe. I don't let people get close to me easily

Don't like to have their "space" invaded

Extreme dislike of conflict

Extreme dislike of criticism

Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation

May react very emotionally to stressful situations May? Try WILL.

Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship Oh gods, the stories I could tell about the assholes I've stayed with for too long.

Have difficulty scolding or punishing others

Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings

Perfectionistic tendencies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit

Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders What? It's not all my fault?

INFPs as Lovers

I know a few of you kiddies were holding your breath for this part.

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

INFPs feels tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.

Well, I'm not involved in one, not actively looking, and not imagining one. I'm happy for now. Not that I have anything against stumbling into my Mr. Right, but I feel no need to put out any effort right now.

INFPs tendency to be idealistic and romantically minded may cause them to fantasize frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation. They may also romanticize their mates into having qualities, which they do not actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives, and so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves and with their close personal relationships. However, the INFP's deeply-felt, sincere love for their mates and their intense dislike of conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their relationships, in spite of their troubles achieving peace of mind.

I am a romantic at heart. Well, a dark romantic, but I try not to idealize anyone. That only leads to heartbreak.

Unlike other types who tend to hold their mates up on a pedestal, the INFP's tendency to do so does not really turn into a negative thing in the relationship. INFPs hold tightly to their ideals, and work hard at constantly seeing their mates up on that pedestal. The frequent INFP result is a strongly affirming, proud and affectionate attitude towards their mates which stands the test of time.

Okay, I'll admit that every time I fall in love, it happens to be with a god of a man. It's not until the relationship is over that I realize he wasn't.

INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as bill paying and house cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply themselves.

Not true here. In all the relationships I've been in, I've been given charge of the purse strings and the household management. I enjoy it.

Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates. Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as an opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More than the actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love and sweet words. With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may value their mate�s satisfaction above their own.

Tis better to give than receive? Well, sometimes at least. What can I say, it makes me happy to make people happy.

One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. "TJ"s relate to others with an objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.

Well...guess that would be a bad match for me then. I seem to be the queen of taking things personally, even though I'm ashamed of it. At least I get over things quickly, if the person sees the error of their ways.

For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision making processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom and gloom for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme emotional distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do about it. Since they will have no basis for determining what action to take, they will do whatever they can to get rid of the conflict - which frequently means lashing out irrationally at others, or using guilt manipulation to get their mates to give them the positive support that they crave. This kind of behavior does not bode well for healthy, long-term relationships. Individuals who recognize this tendency in themselves should work on their ability to take criticism objectively rather than personally. They should also try to remember that conflict situations are not always their fault, and they're definitely not the end of the world. Conflict is a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it immediately avoids having to deal with it in the future, after it has become a much larger problem.

Point taken

INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They value their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will cherish the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their unique style and perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly jealous or possessive, and is likely to respect their mate's privacy and independence. In fact, the INFP is likely to not only respect their mate's perspectives and goals, but to support them with loyal firmness.

True, but if given reason to doubt my trust in them, that doubt will eat me alive.

In general, INFPs are warmly affirming and loving partners who make the health of their relationships central in their lives. Although cautious in the beginning, they become firmly loyal to their committed relationships, which are likely to last a lifetime. They take their relationships very seriously, and will put forth a great deal of effort into making them work.

*sigh* Sometimes it's felt as if I've been the only one putting in the effort.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFP's natural partner is the ENFJ, or the ESFJ. INFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. The INFP/ENFJ combination is ideal, because it shares the Sensing way of perceiving, but the INFP/ESFJ combination is also a good match. How did we arrive at this?

INFPs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

INFPs are "natural" parents. They accept and enjoy the parental role, seeing it as the natural extension of their value systems. They make use of the parental role for developing and defining their values further, and consider it their task to pass their values on to their children. They take their role quite seriously. Warm, affirming, and flexible, the INFP generally makes a gentle and easy-going parent in many respects.

I can see these aspects in myself already, though I don't plan on breeding for a few more years yet.

INFPs do not like conflict situations, and will keep themselves flexible and diverse to promote a positive, conflict-free environment in their home. The INFP is not naturally prone to dole out punishment or discipline, and so is likely to adapt to their mate's disciplinary policy, or to rely on their mates to administer discipline with the children. In the absence of a mating parent, the INFP will need to make a conscious effort of creating a structure for their children to live within.

Not entirely true. I have very distinct views on parenting and children in general, and would have no problem with the aspect of discipline if necessary.

Although the INFP dislikes punishing others, they hold strong values and will not tolerate the violation of a strongly held belief. If they feel that their child has truly committed a wrong, the INFP parent will not have a problem administering discipline. They will directly confront the child, stubbornly digging in their heels and demanding recourse.

Ah...there we go then.

The INFP parent is likely to value their children as individuals, and to give them room for growth. They will let the children have their own voice and place in the family.

Extremely loving and devoted parents, INFPs will fiercely protect and support their children. If there is an issue involving "taking sides", you can bet the INFP will always be loyal to their children.

INFPs are usually remembered by their children as loving, patient, devoted, and flexible parents.

Like I said, I can see these qualities in myself already.

INFPs as Friends

INFPs are warm and caring individuals who highly value authenticity and depth in their personal relationships. They are usually quite perceptive about other people's feelings and motives, and are consequently able to get along with all sorts of different people. However, the INFP will keep their true selves reserved from others except for a select few, with whom they will form close and lasting friendships. With their high ideals, they are likely to be drawn to other iNtuitive Feelers for their closer friendships.

With their strong need for harmony and dislike of conflict, INFPs may feel threatened by people with strong Judging and Thinking preferences. Although they're likely to be able to work well professionally with such individuals, they may have difficulty accepting or appreciating them on a personal level. They generally feel a kinship and affinity with other Feeling types.

INFPs will be valued by their confidantes as genuine, altruistic, deep, caring, original individuals.

And there you have it. I'm sure you're entirely bored. *grin*