That's a part of my life that, while painful, I've put behind me. We all have parts of our lives that we wished hadn't happened, or wished we could change, but I realized long ago that every tiny thing that has ever happened to me, good or bad, has made me who I am. True, I hated myself for a long time, but I don't anymore, so in the end, it's a good thing.

So...thank you for all your kind comments. Hearing from a kiddie always brings a smile to my face.

In other news, I still haven't heard from my dad. Sure, part of me is upset by this, but he hasn't been a part of my life for the past 10 years, it's really easy enough to go about things without him. Let's see, shall I tell you kiddies about my dad? I don't really know too much about him.

My dad is Irish. I don't know where from or any of his heritage or history. He has a brother who is either dead, in prison, or still hiding out in South America. He managed to make it onto some sort of Most Wanted list during the cocaine trade heyday. He also has a sister, who I remember meeting only once, before I was 5, because my little sister wasn't born. Her Bouvier des Flandres attacked me and she defended it to my mom by telling her he was just playing.

As far as my dad goes, from what I hear, he was a scrapper. He fought all through school. He got kicked out before he was 16 and never went back. He got arrested shortly after and was in juvi for a year, but his endless fighting extended his sentence until he was 18. He got out and joined the Navy. While he was in the Navy, he got in a fight with a superior officer, got thrown in the brig to await a court marshal, and beat up everyone who came near him. He was dishonorably discharged and sent on his merry way.

He fathered a son and went to prison for armed robbery. He got out, and fathered a daughter. He went back to prison for parole violation. He got out, went back, got out, went back. Continue this until his daughter was 8 years old.

He met my mom's best friend, but she wasn't into him, so he settled for my mom. My mom fell head over heels for him, and the mother of his daughter dropped an 8-year-old hooligan off on his doorstep.

He got in a fight and pulled a knife on a cop, and knowing he would be popped for parole violation again, he asked my mom to marry him.

He said, "I don't love you. I think one day I will love you. I like you a lot and you're a good lay, and I really need a mother for my daughter."

She accepted, and they married. He decided to take his new family to Oregon to escape more jail time. They spent a year in a log cabin outside of Medford, and he brought my mom down to SanD to visit her mom. She came up pregnant with me, and he sold drugs to a cop.

Back he went to prison, leaving my mom knocked up and taking care of an 8-year-old who she barely knew. He was in prison until I was 3. He was out for a year and then got out when I was 8. He was out for 6 months and was in until I was 10.

When I was 10, he got out and promised he was never going back. A week later, he did, and was in prison until I was 17. When I was 17 he got out and went right back in until I was 21. He's been out since then, and he's off parole, and he doesn't know a thing about me, nor I him.

Aside from what I just laid out to you, he's a stranger to me.

So...like I said, not big deal to cut him out of my life again.

I am, however, rebuilding my relationship with my mother. We had a long, long talk last night, and regardless of our history, I love her. I love her and I care about her, and when Cosmo and I leave SanD, I won't be leaving her behind. When I told her that, she was very touched.

So...hmm...let's end this on an up note, shall we?

Check it out, if you want a holiday pressie from yours truly, email me a mailing address. I love gifting people, why not include you kiddies?

Yay! Pressies!!

I'll write again later, but I need to do some work.