*sighs*

Things got mad hectic here for awhile. The boy came back to visit. He leaves on Sunday. *sad* The fambly adores him. He's been invited to the reunion this weekend. He already got a chance to hang out with my cousin, and he's been heartily approved of to date but I'm to let him [being the cousin] know if anything serious should happen. Le scoff. But, it's good to know that's working out...my relationship with the cuz, that is. I really did a number on a lot of my relationships with my friends and family while I was down here with Cosmo.

Confession? I'm still bitter about this whole thing. Hence my reference to her in my last entry. It's no more her fault than mine...wait, scratch that, it's far less her fault than mine that my life was in the state it was. I made the choices I did. I ruined the relationships. I voided my personality. I shot myself in the foot at every given opportunity. And I knew I was doing it at the time, but like an addict with a needle, I kept at it. My need for self-destruction? Who knows...

But yeah...I know she doesn't read me, she never did, why would she start? I've no doubt she's so beyond this already, but I kind of felt bad with my snide remark. I could have gone back and edited it, but, I told myself I never would. So this here? It's a retraction/confession/apology to myself more than anything else. Sure, it was a shitty thng to say, but when one is...hurt? One says things one does not mean. *wry chuckle* Look at me, sounding all...whatev. Dunno why I'm getting into all of this. Guess I'm venting now just like I was venting last time.

Le sigh.

Yeah, there's bitterness. Believe it or not, I still mourn the loss of these past 11 years. I wish I could just flip a switch and be done with it, you know? Erase her from my memory banks? Quit caring. Just end that chapter completely, but I can't. It will fade in time, I've no doubt. I'll still wonder how she's doing, if she's happy, etc., but...forget it. You know what I mean.

Talk about a sidetrack!

Anyhoo....so yeah. The boy is dream-a-licious.

The wubbie [which I spoke about in great length over at my LJ], is back from the vet. She's doing so much better. Ye gods, I was terrified when they told me it could be poison. I've never felt that kind of fear, but the possibility that I might lose one of my wubbie-babes was more than I could handle. The boy had to come pick me up because I couldn't drive. I couldn't even get out of the chair. *shakes her head* Thank you all for your texts and emails and calls full of well-wishes for the Mekare. I appreciate it more than I can say.

I'm registered for the fall semester at the local community college. My Pell grant will be delayed, but I'm expecting enough to be able to support myself and go to school full time. Go me! That does mean that I'm quitting the station and the call center, but I'll keep the salon because it's weekends and it's fun. More fun than the station, believe it or not.

Alright, it's late. I have a ton of arrangements to tie up tomorrow, people to pick up for the reunion and what not. The population of San Diego is going up by a grand total of 53, at last count. Most of the celebration will be up at the cousin's house, but I've been doing the planning. *wipes sweat from brow* And so, to bed. It'll be one of the last nights I'll be spending with the boy until I fly out to visit him later this year.