Look kiddies, here's the thing. Voice recognition software does not work. I don't care who you are; there is no way you can convince me that it does work. Maybe on some alternate plane of reality where drive thru speakers aren't broken and porn sites don't burst forth with pop up windows, but not here.

There is a certain phone number that I have to call to get directed to whichever particular office I need to talk to within this huge insurance company. When I call, the voice recognition software tells me to say the "3 letter alpha-prefix" to be directed to the correct branch.

I say: P-R-X

Did you say I as in igloo, M as in milk, T as in timepiece?

No.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Can you please repeat only the three letter alpha-prefix?

P R X

Did you say L as in lava, Z as in zebra, G as in grandpa?

No.

I'm sorry. Please repeat ONLY the 3 letter alpha-prefix.

P!

R!

X!

I think you said H as in ha ha, F as in fuck off, A as in ass monkey. Is that correct?

What?? No!

Look, I know you're a drooling idiot, but you obviously had the ability to dial a phone, so maybe you can understand me. Please repeat ONLY the 3 letter alpha prefix.

[now I'm shouting]

P R X!!!

P R X!!

P R X you stupid, stupid thing!!

I'm sorry, your primitive dialect is incomprehensible to my superior computer brain. I will now disconnect you so you can rage in your ape-like manner. Maybe if you can get it together and learn how to speak, you can try again later. It is only 3 letters I'm asking you to say, feeble human. Now fuck off and have a nice day.

I'm not alone in this. I can hear other people throughout the office experiencing the same problem. Shouts of

DXL!!!

CDP Goddammit!

QJR-rrgghh!!

Ring through the air at various times during the day.

*sigh* Good times, good times.