08.01.04 || Concerning DIY pressies and happy thoughts.
I've started making pressies for my inner circle. I start those early because the people I love well enough to consider family gets 12 gifts, and I don't give crappy gifts you see, so I work on them all year long. For a while, I tried to have all the gifts go a long with the same theme, but that was harder than you'd imagine. Now, it's broken down to about half DIY, half store bought, but every choice I make has my very soul in it, so trust me when I say that even the store bought gifts cause me to stand before my choices, agonizing over the pros and cons of each item, one by one whittling it down to the one thing that is as close to perfect as I can manage. Gifting is more than a joy, more than an art to me. I don't even know what to equate it to. When I gift someone, even when it's random, it feels like I've slowly and painfully gouged a hole in my chest with a dull butter knife, then painstakingly removed a portion of my heart, gently and carefully cleaned and packed and packaged it into the best box I can find before wrapping it all up in a pretty little package. It kills me if I can't see the giftee opening the pressie, because that moment, when they see that little piece of my heart I've given them, means everything to me. My very self-worth hangs on their reaction. If I did well, and they like it, my world explodes into symphonies of faery flutes and wubbie dances. The pure and simple elation I feel at that moment can only be likened to...Disneyland. If I failed...if they don't like it, that piece of my heart withers. My self value plummets and my world slowly and tragically crumbles into nothingness. The gift is nothing therefore, I am nothing.
So to avoid that over dramatically tragic reaction, I happily busy myself throughout the year, making agonizing choice after choice, hoping and wishing that each little piece of me that I'm giving away is perfect enough. Gifting for normal friends and acquaintances is far less stressful, but only because my agony and distress over each choice is not nearly as hard. It doesn't have to be as perfect.
This year, I'm putting my knitting, sewing, baking, and preserve making to use for the DIY gifts. I'm nearly done with one of the Leprecaun's gifties. Yay!
In other holiday news, this weekend will be spent packing away all the holiday decorations and wrapping supplies, as well as giving a good ceiling to floor New Year's cleaning to the bedroom and possibly the patio. I'm also going to drag Cosmo to a Yoga class this Sunday, and hopefully Saturday I can convince my mom to come out walking with us. That would be great. Did I mention she's trying to quit smoking? I'm so proud of her!
Also trying to quit smoking is my ex-fianc�, who I'm also extremely proud of. In fact, I'm so proud of him; I've added him to my cast list. So, if all you lovely kiddies can send your good, non-smoking thoughts to my mom and my ex-fianc�, it would make me really happy. They deserve all the encouragement they can get.
Alrighty, I'm getting rather sappy now, and I have to get some work done, so I'll end this entry.
Oh, before I forget, my diary is going to be a year old on the fifth of February. Expect much celebration.