Apparently, I have been falling for a special class of guy lately:

The super-jerk ninja.

You see, the super-jerk ninja creeps into your life without you knowing. He gets close to you, gains your trust and complacency, and then, when you least expect it...

He hits you hard and fast with his handy-dandy jerk-ninja shuriken:

He wants to get married within the year, to a Catholic, and start popping out babies because adoption is, "well, you know, like picking your family out of the pound."

And you're hanging against the wall, pinned by the points on your clothing where the throwing stars came oh-so-close, but not close enough. You struggle at first, freaking out, wondering where the damn things came from in the first place, when the jerk-ninja creeps up behind you and without a sound, nearly beheads you with his garotting wire while whispering in your ear: All or nothing.

Indeed.

So here I am, dead and pinned to the wall like an insect sample, and I'm just kind of bored with the whole thing. This entire past year has been so full of drama and heartbreak and being screwed over and stabbed in the back and having shit talked about me, and just...

Wow. You know? Just...what the hell?

Is there anyone, and I mean, ab-so-fucking-lutely anyone left out there that wants to rain on my goddamn parade? Please, just get it the hell over with already. Because I'm done. I'm through. I sick of being nice, and taking it, and smiling and nodding when really I want to slap some people around. I'm over it. Done. Finished. End.

So here are the new rules:

1. I'm the queen of my fucking world, and any potential usurpers out there, beware, because my reach is long and deadly.

2. Fuck with me and die. Fuck with my friends and die painfully. Fuck with my family, and you will wish for death before I'm through with you.

3. Wubbies = worship

4. Have a nice day! *Colgate smile*

*sighs, smoothes her royal robes, and tosses her hair*

Yes. I think that will do quite nicely.

In other news, I've finished burning the copies of Now, THAT'S what I call Party Shuffle!! v.1 I'm crafting the free gifts from Impossible Tart for all you lucky kiddies & kidsters that got in on that offer.

Stay tuned, next month I'll be relasing v.2!

Tip yr waitresses.

By the gods I'm going to do it again
No delusions of prudence there
But for now

I feel free.