This in not the first time kiddies. Not the first time since my last entry that I have been here, on the faded lavendar page, typing away furiously, only to lose interest, focus, or desire to share my life.

The comments and emails and notes continue to pour in, and I can't help but feel guilty. Guilty that I haven't updated, and more so that my life is so fucking dull right now. I have no entertaining anecdotes, no titilating situations, no amusing thoughts on the world at large. I have nothing to say.

Then again, so much has happened. So many things that mean so much to my sad little life. It's like wanting to sleep, needing to sleep, but ironically, being so tired that you can't get to sleep.

*sighs*

Sit down and buckle in kiddies, I'm about to ramble...

My krew, my boys, the majority of what I considered my family, is gone. There is no chance for reconciliation. They say Never say never? I'm saying never. The bottom line is that we've all changed too much. We've grown up and apart. A lot of things started wedging themselves between us, but the end came when they decided that I was blowing things out of proportion. Blowing things out of proportion? Blowing things out of proportion. I say no, he doesn't stop, and I'm blowing things out of proportion. Right. So yeah, thanks, but no thanks, I just don't need that kind of bullshit in my life.

No. As much as it hurts, as long as it's taking to get used to, they aren't a part of my life anymore.

So I'm slowly readjusting my life. Adapting. Creating a new routine. Getting used to having lost everything I considered normal.

Work has been improving. I'm in the process of switching queues, which means I will soon be making more money and doing less work. This is a major improvement, as I've been having to talk myself down lately. Sitting in the parking lot in the mornings, staring at the building in which I am imprisoned for more than 8 hours a day, telling myself that I can't give my 2 weeks yet, that I can make it through one more day. I told my boss that if he didn't switch me, I'd either quit or take out as many people as I could with my chopsticks, and that currently, I was leaning towards the latter. This is why my boss is cool. He responded by giving me candy and telling me he'll be switching me to this other queue as soon as possible. He narrowly saved his ass. It was the Mr. Goodbars that did it.

And lastly? This is my last summer in San Diego. I will be giving my 2 weeks notice at the end of July, and will be moving to Portland, Oregon at the end of August. More to say about that, but I've run out of time.

Quickly though, if you've ever wanted to hang out in SanD, drop me a line soon and we'll see if I can work some hang time into my oh-so-busy social life. [You do sense that sarcasm, yes?]