You wouldn�t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

I was in high school when this came out. I remember distinctly the first time I hear about it. Cosmo and I were walking to school and she told me about this crazy song she heard that morning while getting ready and listening to 91X. She wasn't really sure what it was about, but the lyrics sounded like some sort of...rape fantasy or something. *shock* I didn't believe her. First of all, no band would write a song about something like that. And second, no radio would play a song like that. She had to have misunderstood the meaning...it could have sounded like that, but meant something entirely different...

I ain�t, I ain�t, I ain�t

A buyin� into your apathy

I�m gonna learn ya my philosophy

You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?

Neither of us owned any STP CDs. So we decided to go to the mall and pick one up. Specifically, the one with Sex Type Thing on it. We got to the music store, and we were nervous about buying it. I mean, what would the cute guy behind the counter think if he knew why we were buying it? We went about buying the album the way teenagers go about buying condoms, grab the needed item and then a whole bunch of other, unrelated stuff to throw on the counter in the hopes that you throw the clerk off. See, because the king size Butterfinger, frozen peas, light bulbs, and crossword puzzle magazines will obscure the box of Trojans.

I know you want what�s on my mind

I know you like what�s on my mind

I know it eats you up inside

I know, you know, you know, you know

I don't remember what we bought to hide the CD in question, but it didn't matter. We were dumb kids buying a CD. What the hell would some 20-something record store clerk care what we were buying? So we get it home and we lock ourselves in her room and we put it on. We repeated the track a few times...in silence...and it became blazingly obvious, at least to us, what the song was about.

I am a man, a man

I�ll give ya somethin� that ya won�t forget

I said ya shouldn�t have worn that dress

I said ya shouldn�t have worn that dress

That was a life altering experience for Cosmo and I. We were stunned, shocked, and intrigued by this. Within days, the lyrics were so imbedded in my head, I could have recited them in my sleep. Home made banners and posters adorned our bedroom walls with bits and pieces of lyrics. I really wonder what our parents must have thought, though I doubt either hers or mine noticed.

I know you want what�s on my mind

I know you like what�s on my mind

I know it eats you up inside

I know, you know, you know, you know

That song still gets to me. It's nostalgia of sorts. For the days when I was so young and innocent that my rape fantasies and my enjoyment of being dominated was weird and wrong. For the first boyfriend I had who liked to bite. For the first time I felt the kiss of the blade while fooling around with a guy. *sigh* Good times...good times...

Now, it's not that I'm jaded, no. I'm just...less innocent. I know what I want, what I need, and that's a good thing, but I do miss the thrill of not knowing...

Here I come, I come, I come...